I knew there was a reason I said I did NOT want to have any children while I was still in school! This crap is just too darn stressful! Thankfully, I will be done with ALL classes and school (FOREVER) by the end of the month! YAY! Then, I can focus on what has been bogging my mind down: My first baby!!!! AHHHH!!!
Who would have thought that ME...DAWN GOODEN...would be having a child. It's unreal really. Just a few years ago, I was hell bent on declaring that my womb would not fulfill its purpose (and I was PERFECTLY fine with that!) However, since I got married to Danny, more and more I felt like something was missing. I wanted to have that experience of carrying a child!
**WHAT has gotten into me?!**
This was NOT the brain of my former self talking. Something in me changed, and I have no idea when or why. Perhaps I felt like the love Danny and I shared was not being conveyed, or maybe I felt that it was just one of those things I had to do now because I'm married. Whatever the reason, I'm happy about it =] Our money situation is not ideal for raising a child right now, but this did NOT happen by our will. I am confident when I say that this was ALL GOD. Who else could allow me to be pregnant and finish school with time to spare before our baby arrives? I couldn't have timed it better if I tried! So, I know for a fact that this blessing was from God alone. Only HE knows what is right and what is best for us. Only HE can give us what we need when we need it, and I feel like we have been truly blessed with everything so far.
We can keep our house, we both have good jobs (with decent income) and not to mention a great support system of friends and family who are there to help us! Thank you all. You don't know how much I love you all for your support. That right there is the TRUE blessing. =]
I know the morning I found out I was pregnant, I was terrified, angry, depressed...just miserable. I surrounded myself with all the negative aspects of me having a baby right now, and every reason why it's wrong for it to happen now. I thought 'why couldn't this just wait until after school or after we got our finances in order? we aren't mature enough for this, or ready by any standards!'
But later that day I realized that I had promised God years ago that I would trust in Him, and that whatever he allowed to happen, would happen with his covering and his protection. I put my trust in Him, and for a moment I had forgotten that I trusted him so much. I needed to remember my promise, and let God take the reins. I'm glad I did because just in that 1st week we were showered with so many blessings and wonderful things, that it just wouldn't have worked out without God. I know that now! I am so grateful every day that the Lord has blessed me with an easy pregnancy, a healthy baby boy (well, as he is right now lol,) and with big plans for our future.
So now, I'm graduating in about a month, I'll get my diploma, have an awesome baby shower, see my house become a home, and have my baby...my beautiful son who is created with God's love, and is a symbol of how much Danny and I love each other. As angry as me makes me most of the time (and I'm talking 99.99% here,) I couldn't imagine my life without him. I know deep in my heart that I need him, and I would be half the woman I am today without him at my side. Not to mention that I can see the amazing father he will become, and how happy he will be =]
Thank you, Father for these things. Today...despite all the stress of a messy house (that I'm not allowed to clean lol,) my poor cat (who is currently stitched up after getting fixed yesterday,) and the last few weeks of school, I am blessed to have these things, and to have the satisfaction that I know that I will be marking off so many milestones in such a short time.
Praise you, Lord for I am blessed ^^
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Time to ressurrect this thing...or at least try to lol
Well...I know I neglected this really bad! I'm just not good at the constant blogging thing I guess! But, it's cool to talk through this thing sometimes. =]
For those of you keeping up on facebook/Twitter (mostly Facebook...) Then you are pretty much up-to-date on all the stuff going on! However, it can't hurt to post something once and a while right?
In keeping with the original theme of the blog, I think it's fitting that I talk about my baby. 'What does that have to do with you walk with Christ?' I'm sure you're asking yourself. Truth is...I was NOT planning or even thinking of having children now. I wanted to wait until school was done with...Danny and I were more financially stable, among other things. In all honestly, I was freaking out when I found out I was pregnant. That first day I didn't know if I should be thrilled to pieces or if I should just jump off a ledge (figuratively speaking ppl...don't have a cow!) I cried...I panicked. That day, which should have been the best day of my life seemed like a nightmare. Even telling my mother on the phone didn't help my case much since she felt that we weren't ready for this (financially, emotionally, etc.) So even at that time, it felt like the only one who was at all happy was Danny. I'm sure he was freaking out inside, but he loves kids and wasn't going to let some life crap get in the way.
I wish I was so secure in things to be like that...but I'm not. I'm a planner, focused on the future. Unexpected things in life throw me off especially when I am totally unprepared.
Would I abort? HELL NO! As terrified as I was for our situation, I would never do that. Not unless there was a life-threatening matter at hand. The day I found out Danny still hadn't found a job. I was scared.
But then, something miraculous happened! The next day (Monday,) Danny got a phone call saying he was set to start working on Tuesday!! And I got signed up for health care on Wednesday! As all of these things began to unfold I realized something...I wasn't in control. At ALL. I knew at that point that God was the one who made all this happen. It reminded me that God is in control. He may not make things happen when and how we want them to, but in the end it all works out because he has perfect timing. And talk about timing btw! I'll be finished with school before the baby is born! You can't get any more perfect than that!
After that first week, I was nothing but ecstatic because I knew that this precious cargo I'm carrying is created and covered by none other than God himself. As concerned and nervous as I may get as a first time mom, I still know in my mind that God's got this...I don't have to do a thing.
In all things in life it's important to remember that we need to keep God first, and let him do his will. It's so hard to do but it applies in every situation. Lost your job? It's ok! God will give you the strength to go out and find a new one...and the right one for you. Worried about the bills? God will provide for you. Unexpected expectations??? (hehe...in my case...) God will cover you. Just let him do what he needs to do. Your stress level will go down considerably. I can't say that I let go all the time...I don't. It's still hard for me to do. But, when unexpected things happen I have to keep my faith that God is in control, and I'm gonna be OK.
Now, I don't look at my pregnancy as a burden, but a blessing and a joy from The One. Our family is growing and maturing and it's all thanks to Our Savior!! I look down at my belly, and i feel peace because I have a life inside me, and I know that he/she is brought to us by God...protected by Him. It can't get any better than that my friends.
May God be your strength today as you go through your every day. Let him do his will and strengthen your heart with each step. Do not be afraid, for the Lord is with you!
Praise You All! Much love and Many glorious blessings <3
-Dawn
For those of you keeping up on facebook/Twitter (mostly Facebook...) Then you are pretty much up-to-date on all the stuff going on! However, it can't hurt to post something once and a while right?
In keeping with the original theme of the blog, I think it's fitting that I talk about my baby. 'What does that have to do with you walk with Christ?' I'm sure you're asking yourself. Truth is...I was NOT planning or even thinking of having children now. I wanted to wait until school was done with...Danny and I were more financially stable, among other things. In all honestly, I was freaking out when I found out I was pregnant. That first day I didn't know if I should be thrilled to pieces or if I should just jump off a ledge (figuratively speaking ppl...don't have a cow!) I cried...I panicked. That day, which should have been the best day of my life seemed like a nightmare. Even telling my mother on the phone didn't help my case much since she felt that we weren't ready for this (financially, emotionally, etc.) So even at that time, it felt like the only one who was at all happy was Danny. I'm sure he was freaking out inside, but he loves kids and wasn't going to let some life crap get in the way.
I wish I was so secure in things to be like that...but I'm not. I'm a planner, focused on the future. Unexpected things in life throw me off especially when I am totally unprepared.
Would I abort? HELL NO! As terrified as I was for our situation, I would never do that. Not unless there was a life-threatening matter at hand. The day I found out Danny still hadn't found a job. I was scared.
But then, something miraculous happened! The next day (Monday,) Danny got a phone call saying he was set to start working on Tuesday!! And I got signed up for health care on Wednesday! As all of these things began to unfold I realized something...I wasn't in control. At ALL. I knew at that point that God was the one who made all this happen. It reminded me that God is in control. He may not make things happen when and how we want them to, but in the end it all works out because he has perfect timing. And talk about timing btw! I'll be finished with school before the baby is born! You can't get any more perfect than that!
After that first week, I was nothing but ecstatic because I knew that this precious cargo I'm carrying is created and covered by none other than God himself. As concerned and nervous as I may get as a first time mom, I still know in my mind that God's got this...I don't have to do a thing.
In all things in life it's important to remember that we need to keep God first, and let him do his will. It's so hard to do but it applies in every situation. Lost your job? It's ok! God will give you the strength to go out and find a new one...and the right one for you. Worried about the bills? God will provide for you. Unexpected expectations??? (hehe...in my case...) God will cover you. Just let him do what he needs to do. Your stress level will go down considerably. I can't say that I let go all the time...I don't. It's still hard for me to do. But, when unexpected things happen I have to keep my faith that God is in control, and I'm gonna be OK.
Now, I don't look at my pregnancy as a burden, but a blessing and a joy from The One. Our family is growing and maturing and it's all thanks to Our Savior!! I look down at my belly, and i feel peace because I have a life inside me, and I know that he/she is brought to us by God...protected by Him. It can't get any better than that my friends.
May God be your strength today as you go through your every day. Let him do his will and strengthen your heart with each step. Do not be afraid, for the Lord is with you!
Praise You All! Much love and Many glorious blessings <3
-Dawn
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